Introduction
As usual, I have no thought on whether or what I should write next. But the inner prompting was insistent, and the idea came to me forcefully out of the blue to write about Self-determination. Familiar words to me and I assume to most of you, but I, for one, have never given the phrase more than a passing glance in the past.
There is a message here in this phrase for us all And I will do my best to plumb its depths. At a very superficial level, there is a psychological theory on the subject of Self-Determination – A HUMAN BEING’S ABILITY TO MAKE CHOICES AND MANAGE THEIR OWN LIFE.
The above is based on the myth that the average human being functions in this world via the application of will and making choices. I have one friend who has succeeded at everything she put her mind to. We could superficially say, that she has shown great self-determination in her life, right from childhood to the present. As a result, she has risen through the ranks educationally and work-wise.
However, this friend had a father figure to whom no matter what she did or achieved was never good enough. Her determination to succeed is a long-forgotten program in her subconscious (resurfaced and acknowledged in therapy) to be validated and loved by her father.
Here we have an existential dilemma, most of what we would consider to be the exercise of free will in self-determination are in actuality programs within us that move us in predictable directions.
For example, There is programming within our Genetic DNA inherited from parents, mental programs galore, from our culture, to include parents, siblings, school friends, social media, newspapers, Hollywood, etc., There are also hidden/ unexpressed emotional needs which will at times overtake our so-called self-determination.
And then there are our addictions, some of which are the result of foods high-jacked at times by our emotional neediness such as sugar, chocolate, and alcohol, drugs such as nicotine and caffeine that manage our emotions and energy levels, recreational drugs to quiet the mind and lose yourself in your body as well as whichever easily accessible emotions can be engaged with etc.,
Most of our addictions have the goal of separating us from the mind part of the ego that is censorious and judgemental.
How can an addict make real choices? I am referring to choices of free will unencumbered by any internal programming that is.
Of course, the above is slightly simplistic for there are also emotional addictions, such as power, and wealth, to assuage our loneliness, and to be loved, there are compulsions such as the need to be punished, to be proven right that we are worthless, malicious gossip to punish others, envy, greed etc.,
You might well comment. “You are not telling us anything new, for this is the human condition”. Indeed, it is!
So how is it possible for self-determination to truly exist in a human being?
What is the Self?
We need to separate the phrase ‘self’ from ‘determination’, for herein lies the clue.
Were I to ask you, “Who are you?” You might respond, “My name is Joe Blogs”. To which I might reply. “No, really, Who are you? Your name was given to you at birth, or you changed it later on”. You might reply in terms of your skill set. ie. “I am a plumber.”. Eventually, you will be flummoxed, for who you are is beyond words that pigeonhole or catalogue you.
And that is the crux of the matter. To have ‘self-determination’ implies one is connected to self. Many people think that they know who they are, but I am rather inclined to the opinion that very few are in touch with the essence of who they truly are.
For starters, most human beings are lost in the thoughts in their heads. Whilst these thoughts will verbalise and copy the underlying intent for action or reflection, If we identify with the thoughts, we become them rather than the underlying expression from ‘self’.
Also, if we are emotionally distraught /angry/ thwarted, etc.., the thoughts take over to overlay the emotion and then like a broken record the thoughts go round and round to separate us from the emotional experience.
So self-determination looks like something to aspire to, but tough to implement until we are connected with the underlying self.
I have a sense of self, I suppose the clue is in the word ‘sense’ although to be more exact I feel my ‘self’.
This is possible because it is a sensation in my chest (sense) and a feeling, as well as an almost imaginary meta/-mental construct of my character, that takes into account the totality of my experiences to date. It is a state beyond words, it is a feeling that plants me at the centre of my experience as I navigate the world in this body yet accept/acknowledge the separate bodies of which my ego is composed and unites them.
I know who I am because I can metaphorically speaking taste my sense of self, I ‘feel’ my existence in a space beyond words.
Of course, so far I have only been describing the ego i.e. the physical body, the emotional system, and the mental /cogitating mind. All three need to be working together as a prerequisite for effective Self-determination.
courage and its heart
And yet here we have a dilemma! Is the ego to determine the exercise of will? We already know that the ego is no more than a pre-programmed machine, that itself is full of contradictions due to the damage of growing up on this Earth/ culture. If Self-determination has a goal, then the only goal worth having by a damaged being is to seek self-integration to be whole once more.
The problem arises due to the fact that the ego has conflicting desires that take control at different times of the whole organism.
And here is the real crux of the matter. A taxi without a passenger has no purpose, no direction, no focus. The passenger cannot be the ego, for the ego is the driver behind the wheel. If you cannot move from your head to your heart, you will never hear the passenger prompting you towards the path of self-integration – the only true purpose for being alive on this Earth at the present time, for those who are truly ready to wake up.
Self-determination is the impetus emanating from beyond via the heart, and enacted by self towards a goal of self- integration. This cannot happen in the words in your head. The energy required can only come from beyond the ego.
The Journey towards Self
My writing are peppered with the concept of physical body, emotional and mental centres. It is imperative you learn to separate them in oneself, ie. be clear as to the physical sensations in your body. Connect with physical pains when they arise and connect them to any previous emotional stresses.
Be sensitive to the emotions that affect your relationships, learn to name them, they all have different flavours, even though fear is behind them all. When you are reactive, there will be an unexpressed emotion behind it. Be curious. At the ego level, we are ALL puppets, learn where the strings are!
Our minds are our well-meaning jailers, they go out of their way to prevent us from experiencing an emotional breakdown. They do this with words to dis-associate us from our emotions, in the process we lose having a direct experience of our surroundings.
YOU are not the words in your head. To realize the truth of this, when the words in your head are talking incessantly and go round and round like a broken tape recorder. Say to yourself, “I am talking to myself”. I am not my words. Then focus on your feet /hands and kinaesthetically y sense them. Stay there for as long as possible. Ad breathing into the equation. Anchor yourself in your body, from here you can dispassionately observe your emotions and mind.
And could say this too many times? Sense is felt and experienced in the heart and body. Not the head.
The Journey to the Heart
I say, ‘real self-determination is an act of will beyond the scope of the fractured ego. And yet, on this earth, we play with the hand we have been dealt. The good news is that for most of you who have read to then end, your heart impulses are getting through your protection mechanisms, however imperfectly.
Your challenge is to free the suppressed emotions bound up in your muscles at the behest of your mental beliefs. Which, in turn, makes the promptings of your heart harder to hear when there are large parts of your psyche lost in self dislike. So many of you have been seduced by the spirituality of the beyond that you fail to realize that true spirituality begins and ends with self integration.
People go looking for peace of mind, questing powers, relevance, To matter to others, self-importance, to be somebody. The answers are looked for beyond ourselves, to be fixed by others. If we truly need help from another, it is no more or less than to be guided to our internal convoluted and chaotic worlds – to do some house cleaning!
We also possess a soul (passenger) that (em)bodies us. If life is about anything, it is about living life to the full. Many people reading this might imagine sex, parties and rock and roll. No, living life to the full is to be fully embodied by our souls, listening to its promptings, being in our bodies, experiencing the whole gamut of emotions that may flow through us, as well as a clear mind to reason with when appropriate. It means loving ourselves and taking care of the well-being of our bodies.
This spiritual journey begins experientially , not by sitting contemplating your navel or losing yourself in complex spiritual books. Self-determination is a gradual process that builds up the more we listen to our hearts, and to hear our hearts we need to release the traumas from our past. As well as the recognition of the beliefs that demean and belittle us.
Starting in January 2025 I will be leading small groups of people in weekend workshops to explore, release and find true love in themselves to find out more :Self discovery retreats 2025
