looking at one’s fragmented self

Do you ever wonder as to who you are?  Do you have a sense of yourself in your day-to-day existence? Or are you pulled by external forces? If you were to ask yourself now, this second. Who am I? You might get an internal verbal response or an absence of words. What if I asked, “Where are you?” “Where is the centre of your sense of self in your body?”

By the end of this article, I will offer a quick active meditation to either give you a taste or, improve your connection, but for now..

Why not pause, contemplate and write down your answers so far?

What comes to mind when I ask: “Who are you?”

Do you define yourself by job? Physical presence, emotional states, mental ideas?

“Do you ever look inside yourself?” If so, “do you contemplate what drives, and motivates you?” “Are you familiar with loneliness?” “Being misunderstood?” “Do you fear the power others seem to have over you?” “Are you desperate to belong?” “To be loved, acknowledged, appreciated?”

“Have you ever explored the deep grief, anger, and fear that lurks in the recesses of most people’s subconscious? Are you afraid to look? Is it too painful?”

If you relate to any of the above, you will appreciate humanity’s obsession with distraction from self, which in modern times we have become masters of.  We all seek it. It is all right, no judgement from me. But we don’t want to throw the baby out with the bath water.

We do need to be aware that our obsession with distraction is an addiction to the fractured ego. And, there are many unscrupulous forces on this Earth that in the pursuit of power, wealth and influence over your psyche would enslave your fragmented ego with a million and one distractions whilst pumping into your brain all manner of indoctrinating perceptions and pseudo values.

Most people when asked where do you experience the world from? Will say “in their heads”. Some will say in their bodies. And if you look through your memories of people, you will see that some are physically awkward  (in their heads). Whilst others are very graceful (in their bodies)

No one can bear much pain – be it physical, mental or emotional.

Disassociated from self

Those overwhelmed by physical pain vacate their consciousness to their minds and disassociate from their bodies. Those overwhelmed by emotional pain will deaden themselves to emotion. A sense of madness can arise when we have disconnected from both – body and emotions, as we battle with a painful reality we can’t accept.


And now a word from my spiritual sponsors or should I say the Soul Dimension

Have you ever felt that there was more to you? That there is more to life than we are told?


Ever felt the urge to read sacred or spiritual books, sit at the feet of the Master, or bigger than life Guru to gain a leg up the spiritual rung?  WELL……SNAP OUT OF IT!!! WAKE UP !!

The answers are ALL inside YOU.


OK…. The soul Dimension can be a bit harsh with the truth. So, coming back to the theme of this article,  Who am I?

Am I my thoughts, emotions, my body, or a combination of them all?

Most people will identify with their thoughts, the continuous chatter that goes on in our heads like a broken record.

If that applies to you, ask yourself, “Why am I not fully in my body?” After all, I have thousands of nerve endings to all my muscles and internal organs, as well as to my skin and five senses.. I also have the facia that surrounds and permeates the whole of me, connecting directly with my brain to among other things give me postural information.

Let’s do a little experiment, do you think that you could move into your body right now?  

Pause and try this exercise, Could you sense your left foot and the individual toes one by one? I would like you to note the difference between direct sensing, and imagining that you are sensing your toes.

When I do it, my mind likes to put its two pence in by counting the digits.  I don’t fight my mind, but my focus is firmly on the physical sensations of my toes. When I focus and sense the toes individually, my mind goes very quiet, yet waiting for an opportunity to be relevant.

So what gets in the way of our being in the body all the time? It is a combination of unprocessed emotions and a mind trying to protect us from the potential emotional intensity of such emotions.  There is a price to be paid for this, for emotions like water need to flow.

When we stop the emotional flow, muscles go into spasms, we are distracted and lose our connection to the physical discomfort by identifying with the words in our heads. After a while, being lost in the words in our heads is the norm. There is more to this, but for now, it is enough to just get a taste of this truth.

So who I am, and my self-awareness are linked.  And If I am lost in the words in my head, my sense of self is a mirage.  For the words will act as a filter to interpret my reality – and my experiences are second-hand, corrupted, biased, interpreted, and the source of all conflicts with others.

Find your Heart at the end of the rainbow

In most esoteric traditions, they speak about a state of being which is tied to enlightenment. This implies being in one’s body, in one’s emotional centre, present in the moment. There are famous teachers/ gurus who read a lot of esoteric books. And didn’t quite get it. It is quite possible to be in our bodies, with semi-flowing emotions and an iron will to keep one focused. – but this is far from the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow

For example Krishnamurti:

“Enlightenment is not a state of mind; it is a state of being. Enlightenment is not a feeling; it is the absence of feelings“.

Enlightenment has many gradients, and “Being-ness” is one of them, This place where all three centres are working in unison, is still the realm of ego.  To be clear, ego is important and needs to be nurtured by us, but who we truly are is to be found in a place beyond ego.

The road to enlightenment requires us to appreciate, acknowledge, nurture and love our damaged ego, so that it may become solid and secure enough to let go of the reins and be a subservient servant to the source of who we truly are.

So who am I?  I have created a little exercise below to give you a taste, But I will share a clue with you, it is beyond words, yet it is firmly centred in feelings which are not to be confused with emotions.

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If you have practised the above exercise and found it relatively easy to do, let me add the following to be practised anywhere, whether alone or in company

We are electric beings continually generating an electrical output through our emotional/nervous system, whilst this electromagnetic expression around our bodies is constant it can be interfered with by emotional/mental suppression. This can be experienced Kinaesthetically. This electromagnetic sensation can be moved around/ through the body, a lack of which is a symptom of illness.

The exercise is to kinaesthetically focus on your head, you can imagine a pair of hands, breathe into your head and the immediate surrounding space then with the out-breath bring the imaginary hands down to your heart and sense carrying that plasma-like energy down with you.

Next, go down to your lower abdomen and repeat – this time breathe into your lower abdomen sense the emotional energy and with the out-breath using your kinaesthetic imaginary hands raise the energy to your heart area.

The out-breath is to be slower than your in-breath, by roughly twice as long and each time, pause for a second or two to taste the emotional sense in your lower abdomen, as well as the feeling in your heart. Repeat as many times as it takes to feel your centre of gravity, awareness and expression firmly seated in your heart.


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